I'm told that companies no longer advertise cigarettes on television because it will influence those who watch.... I guess I can see that, I mean I grew up seeing commercials starring the "Marlboro Man". There he was, sitting on that horse riding in the wild west....I remember that scene and just want to rush out and rope a cow. We also shouldn't run commercials for things that are inappropriate. Really? So why do I see commercials for this:
A beach scene. The water is a crystal clear blue, the sun is setting the background, and birds are swooping down along the shore. Focus in on a man walking along the beach. He is shorts, his shirt is open showing incredible air brushed abs, and he stops to gaze out over the waves. Over his shoulder, a woman approaches. The camera zooms in on her...and the voice over begins:
It's hard to be the every woman. Homemaker, housewife, working girl, mom, chef and chauffeur. At times you just don't feel fresh.
At this point she reaches the man, he turns, reaches out to hug her, takes an obvious deep breath through his nose, and passes out.
Cut to an official looking office.
Hi, I'm Horace Fernstocker and as you can tell from this white coat I'm wearing I'm obviously some type of medical professional. Many of my patients have mentioned at random times the need to feel fresh. Most of these patients are women. That's why I endorse (he pulls a box from under the counter) 'Crotch Bouquet'.
As the screen behind him starts to show photo's of various items (a cactus, pecans, the space shuttle, a fern, Rosie O'Donnell) he continues.
Made from ingredients found somewhere in nature, 'Crotch Bouquet' gives you that fresh feeling all day long. In my medical career spanning the three days to film this commercial, I have discovered what could be actual proof this product works.....but don't take my word for it, trust 'Crotch Bouquet'.
Cut back to the beach scene where the man is standing, however he is leaning over with his hands on his knees and is obviously in respiratory distress. The woman opens her purse and pulls out a box of 'Crotch Bouquet' and walks into a conveniently located dressing room. While she is doing that, the voice over again:
These statements have not been proven by the FDA or any reasonably intelligent professional in any field. Side effects include drowsiness, dizziness, snoring, the need to watch the Dukes of Hazard, limping, headaches, sore throat, muscle aches, blurred vision, anal leakage, bad driving, and the strong desire to vote Democratic. In some extreme cases, side effects include an irritating personality, a love of NASCAR, and death. You should not use this product if you are pregnant, you may become pregnant, or if you plan on having sex....ever. You should consult your doctor before using this or any product hawked on late night TV.
The woman emerges from the dressing room smiling and her husband rushes up to her and they walk into the sunset. Peeking out of her bag is the box and you hear the final voice over
Crotch Bouquet.....be fresh or be offensive.
So.....this isn't considered inappropriate? Especially when I'm sitting in the room with my two daughters...the 23 year old (who gets the concept) and my 6 year old (who doesn't and when asked the next morning by the ArchBishop to name her favorite cartoon......she says 'crotch bouquet')
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