We interrupt this program......

With the advent of 24 hour news everyone is attempting to be the first out the gate with a story.  Seems like a reasonable idea...be the first to break the story and get the ratings.  That's fine, but what happens after the story breaks and we get over the initial shock?  How much "new" information can you report?  Add to that, what if the initial report was incredibly exaggerated and you now have a news guy struggling not to look stupid?  I cannot say how many times, during coverage of a disaster, I have wanted to reach through the TV and smack Anderson Cooper on the back of the head.  How many times do we need a picture of a child's shoe amongst the rubble with your commentary about it?  How do you know it wasn't in the trash to start with?  How do you keep people watching when the story goes cold....or worse.....goes nowhere?

WE INTERUPT  AMERICA'S MOST CHALLENGING DOG VIDEOS.

Welcome to BORD NewsTeamActive -  Channel 30's Around the Clock News.
Here is your host Scooter Dillripple.

Good Evening.  It has just been reported that a large gang of teenagers have begun fighting in the parking lot of the TakeYourMoneyMall in UpperCrust New York.  Of course, the BORD NewsTeam has reporters all over the area and we will be going there live with up to the minute reports.   Right now lets go to SashimiTokura Jones standing by at the Mall Entrance.  Sashimi, what can you tell us?

Well Scooter, we have been told that somewhere around 600 teens began a gang fight in the parking lot at the TYM Mall this afternoon.  We have reports of several wounded teens and some wounded patrons caught in the melee.  Police have surrounded the mall and are attempting to bring order to the area as we speak.  We'll be here live bringing you the latest.  Back to you Scooter.

Thanks Sashimi.  If you're just tuning in, a gang war has begun at the TYM Mall.  Police report scores injured as order still has not been restored.  We turn now to our InvestigativeTeam reporter Stark MadMoney for more coverage.

Thanks Scooter.  We know that some random number of teens, reports put the number at somewhere near 10 or 20 dozen, armed with the latest in mobile phone technology began to fight in the parking lot about 40 minutes ago.  Reports are there were some injuries to both the teens and some patrons of the Mall.  Police still have not restored order but they have called in specially trained sharpshooters to control the situation.  We don't know what precipitated the fight.  Back to you....wait, we're going to Sashimi.  Sashimi, are you there?

Thanks Stark we have just learned that the cause of the fight was a disagreement over Justin Bieber's new hairstyle.  We have also learned that of the 11 teenagers involved, 2 suffered minor bruises and one teen had her feelings hurt.  Police are still attempting to gain control of the parking lot as several of the teens have begun posting on FaceBook and texting their friends.  We will attempt to get a word with the head of  the TYM security force, Chief MountedSaddle...Chief, what can you tell us?

Camera pans back and shows a 5ft 2in 350 pound sweaty security guy trying to get a teenage girl to give up her cell phone.  She is holding it above her head and the guy can't jump high enough to get it.

Well, the Chief looks involved so we will speak to him later.  Back to you Scooter.

Thanks Sashimi and Stark.  If you are just tuning in, an apparent argument ending in police involvement has occurred at the TYM Mall.  Sources close to the investigation are saying at least one person went home crying, others were 'visibly moping', and several Mall patrons spilled their Lattes walking out out to their cars.  We turn now to our NewsTeam Psychologist Gladys Getoverit who is here in our studio monitoring the situation.  Gladys, what do you make of today's events?

Sounds like a bunch of kids being stupid.

Thanks Gladys.  If you are just tuning in there has been an apparent argument at the TYM Mall resulting in police overreaction.  We go live now to the mall... Sashimi what can you tell us?

Camera shows her sitting on a bench under a tree.  When she notices the camera on, she jumps up.

Well, Scooter order has been restored as several large sport utility vehicles carrying impeccably dressed and annoyed parents have arrived and have begun transporting the teens off the Mall parking lot.  Police report they have confiscated two cell phones, one IPad, and the latest Justin Bieber CD titled "No, I'm a guy....really".
With final thoughts we are with Chief MountedSaddle, the head of TYM Security.  Chief, what is your reaction to today's events.

The Chief, visibly winded and sweating profusely looks straight into the camera and says, Those kids just need an ass-whipping.

Thanks Chief, that's all from here back to you Scooter.

BLANK SCREEN - 5 SECONDS

WE NOW RETURN TO

AMERICA'S MOST CHALLENGING DOG VIDEOS ALREADY IN PROGRESS.



The 70's revisited

I have one of those satellite radios.  It's really cool and I enjoy not having to listen to typicall DJ nonsense:

Well, it's morning at KRAP radio and of course Summer Blossom is here with the traffic
Morning Derk, traffic is a mess as always in the city
Yup, wonder if it will ever get better
Don't know how....
Maybe if we didn't have so many drivers who had breasts
Breasts?
Yea...you know what I mean
Nope...never do

Hysterical laughter between them while I consider ripping the radio out the dash.

So anyway....I have satellite.  Now, the really cool thing is I can listen to specific types of music.  Seriously, you name it they got it:  Pop, Country, Gregorian Chants, Random screams from Big Hair Bands of the 80's, and Jazz.  What do I listen to.....the 70's!  What a decade....and I lived through it.

We had uplifting and meaningful songs such as:

Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road
Really...this was a Top 40 tune for several weeks.  I picture this guy in a bar in Alabama singing when some record producer walks in to use the phone because his Porsche had a flat.  While he's teaching the guy at "Cletus' Gas and Guzzle" how to pronounce Porsche...he hears this song.  "Wow", he thinks to himself  "I'd bet I could make money off of that song."

Afternoon Delight (yea...they weren't talking about Happy Hour at Sonic here)
"Gonna find my baby gonna hold her tight, gonna grab some afternoon delight....my motto's always been when it's right it's right why wait until the middle of a cold hard night?"...."We can make a lot of lovin' 'fore the sun goes down."
Need I say more?  I always wondered why Viagra didn't use this as a theme song.

I want to be sedated
"Put me in a wheelchair, put me on a plane.  Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane"
I think this is a good theme song for most parents...especially with kids of high school age.

Mama's got a Squeeze Box
"Mama's got a squeeze box she wears on her chest, and when daddy come's home he never gets no rest.....She goes, squeeze me, come on and squeeze me Come on and tease me like you do.....she goes in and out and in and out and in and out"
Yea...I knew this song was about an Acordian when I first heard it....didn't you?

Anything by David Gates and Bread
I heard a comedian once say that James Taylor could make any song...even Happy Birthday....sound so depressing you would want to kill yourself after listening to it.  Apparently he never listened to anything sung by David Gates.  Don't remember?  Look up the song "Aubrey".... be sure you don't have anything sharp laying around when you do.

Anything by Gladys Knight and the Pips
I watched Johnny Carson one night ask Gladys what a "Pip" actually was.  She didn't miss a beat, pointed to the biggest black guy I had ever seen (who was wearing a purple tux and had an afro stretching 3 ft off his head) and said...."that is a Pip."  Several weeks later they broke up because, the "Pips" no longer wanted to be looked upon as the 'back up guys'.  Considering they were composed of (this is true) her brother and her cousins I think they had a pretty sweet deal.  After the break up the Pips had a memorable appearance on The Richard Pryor Show where they sang the back up parts to Midnight Train to Georgia and Heard it Through the Grapevine.  At the parts where Gladys was supposed to sing, the camera panned a microphone stand with no one there.  So what you got was 3 black guys who would sing, "leavin on a midnight train...whoo hoo" .........then silence with the camera on the empty microphone.  It was classic.

Tie a Yellow Ribbon
Remember this one?  I think the action of tying a yellow ribbon to virtually everthing in your yard (including the dog) became more popular than the song.  Actually, do you remember the group who sang it?  They had many names:
First we were told to say - Dawn
Another hit and we were told to say - Tony Orlando & Dawn
A television appearance or two and we were told to say - Tony Orlando
A string of busts and Tony Orlando was told to say - You want fries with that?

Good Girls Don't
As a teenager, I thought this song was....well, both funny and cool.  As a DAD with a teenager daughter.....I think the Ramones should be jailed.

Anyway....I about to board the Love Train..."people around the world...join hands.....gonna ride this train.....c'mon everybody......love ride, love ride"

It's amazing we were allowed to pro-create.

Barney Rubble...what an actor*

I have always enjoyed watching movies.  Well, let me clarify, I enjoy watching what would be considered "old movies".  These movies had:

1 - Relentless cool explosions
2 - Characters that looked like the love child between Godzilla and Barney
3 - Cool gadgets - like lazers or space ships
4 - Women who (while dressed like a pole dancer) could kill you in 1.6 seconds
5 - Absolutely NO redeeming social value or expressed any social commentary.

Naturally, they don't make these movies anymore.  However, thanks to the wonders of modern technology I have been able to obtain these movies in DVD form....AND introduce my teenage son to the wonders of stupid plot lines and even stupider quotes.  A typical Saturday afternoon in my house would go like this:

I'm outside destroying some piece of the house (under the clever guise of saying it's a 'home repair').  My son drives up and wants to help.  He does and my wife approaches to say hello.  I ask my son to move the chain saw closer to the welder so I can reposition the anvil...... and he moves it too far to the left. 

(me) Careful you idiot I said across her nose not up it!
(him) Sorry sir, doing my best
(me) Who made that man a gunner?  **

We both laugh hysterically while my wife just rolls her eyes and wanders back inside the house.

Later in the afternoon my son and daughter are talking about the latest weirdness on Campus and how the new "alert" system didn't really work like it was supposed to.

(him) The cryps are raiding he liquor store.  The pit bull is out of the cage
(me) The vultures are circling the carcass
(him) I don't see any vultures...maybe a gull
(me) Do not take literally, repeat do not take literally  ***

More hysterical laughter ......my daughter just leaves the room.

Later in the evening, both my son and daughter are leaving to go do whatever it is they do on the weekend.  Both are using laser technology not yet available in the military to scan the pantry and refrigerator for any edible substance they can pilfer and take with them.
I make some sort of general statement about coming home to raid my refrigerator....

(him)  I don't need you.....I don't need anything...(picking up some random food item) wait, I need this
(me)  Ah yes. I have my temporary driver's license, and -- my astronaut application form. I didn't pass that though, I failed everything but the date of birth.
(him)  I don't need anything, just this....that's all I need.  Wait, I need this......just the crackers, cheese, sausage, chicken, noodles, bread, Dr. Pepper, potato chips, ground meat.....and that's all I need
(me) 250 Big Ones.....yes.   250 donuts.  I'll take 50 donuts now and deposit the rest.****
(my wife) SMACK!  Knock it off!

Still more hysterical laughter from the both of us.

All father's have a connection to their children.  Sometimes it's baseball, other times football, maybe a woodworking hobby, usually it's something of redeeming value.  Not me....mine is the repeating of stupid movie quotes.....again and again and again and again....

Quotes credited to these movies.
*Night Shift (Henry Winkler/Michael Keaton)
**Spaceballs the Movie (Rick Moranis/ George Wyner)
***Hot Shots part Deaux (Charlie Sheen / Ryan Styles)
****The Jerk (Steve Martin)

Happy Birthday Adam!

“See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven.
(Matthew 18:10 ESV)

Happy Birthday Adam!

Dad / Mom -- There is a difference

I love watching sappy television shows with yuppie parents who tell each other..."We are both completely on the same page when it comes to raising our kids.  We understand the need for stability in their lives.   Corduroy and Bangle both benefit from our team work and togetherness.  We discuss everything and agree as one when it comes to their life."

I laugh so hard I fall out of my recliner.

If you have kids....you know there is no 'togetherness' or 'teamwork'.   There is tyranny...absolute rule from....MOM.  Want to know why?  BECAUSE IT WORKS.  Bill Cosby said it best, "I'm not the boss of my house, I don't think I ever was...but I have seen the job and I don't want it."

Let me share with you how my wife and I share "team work and togetherness" when it comes to our kids.

FOOD
My wife:  Eat something healthy at every meal.  Need something to drink...water is best, but if you want something else juice will work...but only 100% juice.
Me:  Just eat something.  Could be a Sonic burger, could be the leftover Kung Pow chicken in the refrigerator...just eat....it's the 4th qtr for pity's sake.  Need something to drink...here, finish my Dr. Pepper.

DATING
My wife:  (for my son) - Date a nice girl who is intelligent, has manners, has a good personality, and shares your interests.
Me: (for my son) -  Date a girl who is not a complete wacko with parents who are even crazier than she is.....also one who looks good in heels.
My wife:  (for my daughter) - Date a nice guy who is gainfully employed (or strives to be), can handle simple household chores, treats you with respect, is well groomed, and has goals in life to better himself and his family.
Me: (for my daughter) - You are not allowed to date...but if you must then date God...be a nun.

CLOTHING
My wife:  Dress cute.  It should match and be 'season approved' (shorts in summer/long pants in winter).  Matching hair accessories and shoes.
Me:  Wear some type of clothing.  Be sure you have on underwear.  I would prefer you not wear shorts and sandals when it's 30 degrees outside....but if you aren't smart enough to know better...well, be cold.  Comb your hair...or at least wear a hat so no one knows you didn't.

HOUSEHOLD CHORES
My wife:  Clean your room daily.  Put up all your clothes.  Shoes go in your room rather than in the den.
Me:  Check for dog poop on the carpet daily.  Be sure there aren't any woodland creatures under that pile of clothes.  Always have a clear path to the door (for bathroom emergencies, or a fire)

FRIENDS
My wife: (for my son) - Have friends that share your values, don't look for trouble, have goals, and act like adults.
Me: (for my son) - Have friends with cool cars, a Gamestation 9000, and can recite the entire script of Spaceballs the Movie.
My wife: (for my daughter) - Have friends who are supportive of you, share you values, and will be there when you need.
Me: (for my daughter) - Have friends who are female...you are not allowed to associate with males.

I know that today's society casts a somewhat unfavorable light on many Dads because the Mom runs the house......."just look at the way those poor kids are dressed, Bangle in pink pants with a red t-shirt and socks with sandals.  And poor Corduroy.....Adidas shorts and sandals with no jacket in this weather.   I'd  bet Dad dressed them."    Maybe Dad thought Bangle (who is 17 years old) and Corduroy (who is 15) could pretty much dress themselves.....

It's not that we don't care....it's just Dad's expect thinking...Mom's just issue instructions.

Togetherness = 'Do it my way'

Birthday

"Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. There is more than enough room in my Father's home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am. And you know the way to where I am going." John 14:1 - 4



"For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down (that is, when we die and leave this earthly body), we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands" 2 Corinthians 5:1

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 8:38-39

Grant Eternal Life to Him O Lord, and let Perpetual Light Shine upon Him

"In the arms of the angel, may you find some comfort here" 

Rest in Peace

AVERY RENE LITTLETON
April 8, 1995 - December 27, 2010