I have heard it said that 50 is the 'new' 20, or 40 or something other than 50. If that is true, then why is it everyone who ISN'T 50 calls me 'sir' and asks me, " You OK to stand, do you need to sit down"?

I find that as I am now 50 years of age many people (when I say people I am referring primarily to my kids, their friends, and the general public - most of whom I have not met) tend to become......well, stupid. I don't remember doing some of the things (when I was younger) that I see and deal with on a daily basis .

Want an example? I don't remember approaching my dad (with what appeared to be a spark plug wire in my hand) and say "the car won't start. I opened the hood and found this just hanging there so I took it out and now it won't start." I'm not saying I didn't do that, I just don't remember it....but it has happened in my household....twice.

I also find things that I grew up with have 'gone away'. Not that I think life should not change....it should, variety is the spice of life....but sometimes I have to wonder who is coming up with this stuff.

So, I'm writing about these wonderful experiences. Many of them may be familiar to you...maybe you have one to share of your own. Life, however difficult, can be a wonderful laughter filled journey....and laughter is truly the best medicine of all.

So that I don't get angry emails.....I am very happy with my life. I love my wife, appreciate my family and friends...and I love my children very much. But as Bill Cosby once said, "I just hope they leave the house before I die."







Sunday, April 17, 2011

Barney Rubble...what an actor*

I have always enjoyed watching movies.  Well, let me clarify, I enjoy watching what would be considered "old movies".  These movies had:

1 - Relentless cool explosions
2 - Characters that looked like the love child between Godzilla and Barney
3 - Cool gadgets - like lazers or space ships
4 - Women who (while dressed like a pole dancer) could kill you in 1.6 seconds
5 - Absolutely NO redeeming social value or expressed any social commentary.

Naturally, they don't make these movies anymore.  However, thanks to the wonders of modern technology I have been able to obtain these movies in DVD form....AND introduce my teenage son to the wonders of stupid plot lines and even stupider quotes.  A typical Saturday afternoon in my house would go like this:

I'm outside destroying some piece of the house (under the clever guise of saying it's a 'home repair').  My son drives up and wants to help.  He does and my wife approaches to say hello.  I ask my son to move the chain saw closer to the welder so I can reposition the anvil...... and he moves it too far to the left. 

(me) Careful you idiot I said across her nose not up it!
(him) Sorry sir, doing my best
(me) Who made that man a gunner?  **

We both laugh hysterically while my wife just rolls her eyes and wanders back inside the house.

Later in the afternoon my son and daughter are talking about the latest weirdness on Campus and how the new "alert" system didn't really work like it was supposed to.

(him) The cryps are raiding he liquor store.  The pit bull is out of the cage
(me) The vultures are circling the carcass
(him) I don't see any vultures...maybe a gull
(me) Do not take literally, repeat do not take literally  ***

More hysterical laughter ......my daughter just leaves the room.

Later in the evening, both my son and daughter are leaving to go do whatever it is they do on the weekend.  Both are using laser technology not yet available in the military to scan the pantry and refrigerator for any edible substance they can pilfer and take with them.
I make some sort of general statement about coming home to raid my refrigerator....

(him)  I don't need you.....I don't need anything...(picking up some random food item) wait, I need this
(me)  Ah yes. I have my temporary driver's license, and -- my astronaut application form. I didn't pass that though, I failed everything but the date of birth.
(him)  I don't need anything, just this....that's all I need.  Wait, I need this......just the crackers, cheese, sausage, chicken, noodles, bread, Dr. Pepper, potato chips, ground meat.....and that's all I need
(me) 250 Big Ones.....yes.   250 donuts.  I'll take 50 donuts now and deposit the rest.****
(my wife) SMACK!  Knock it off!

Still more hysterical laughter from the both of us.

All father's have a connection to their children.  Sometimes it's baseball, other times football, maybe a woodworking hobby, usually it's something of redeeming value.  Not me....mine is the repeating of stupid movie quotes.....again and again and again and again....

Quotes credited to these movies.
*Night Shift (Henry Winkler/Michael Keaton)
**Spaceballs the Movie (Rick Moranis/ George Wyner)
***Hot Shots part Deaux (Charlie Sheen / Ryan Styles)
****The Jerk (Steve Martin)
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