I have heard it said that 50 is the 'new' 20, or 40 or something other than 50. If that is true, then why is it everyone who ISN'T 50 calls me 'sir' and asks me, " You OK to stand, do you need to sit down"?

I find that as I am now 50 years of age many people (when I say people I am referring primarily to my kids, their friends, and the general public - most of whom I have not met) tend to become......well, stupid. I don't remember doing some of the things (when I was younger) that I see and deal with on a daily basis .

Want an example? I don't remember approaching my dad (with what appeared to be a spark plug wire in my hand) and say "the car won't start. I opened the hood and found this just hanging there so I took it out and now it won't start." I'm not saying I didn't do that, I just don't remember it....but it has happened in my household....twice.

I also find things that I grew up with have 'gone away'. Not that I think life should not change....it should, variety is the spice of life....but sometimes I have to wonder who is coming up with this stuff.

So, I'm writing about these wonderful experiences. Many of them may be familiar to you...maybe you have one to share of your own. Life, however difficult, can be a wonderful laughter filled journey....and laughter is truly the best medicine of all.

So that I don't get angry emails.....I am very happy with my life. I love my wife, appreciate my family and friends...and I love my children very much. But as Bill Cosby once said, "I just hope they leave the house before I die."







Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Computer....daytime mode

I think life would be much cooler with a computer narrator (like the one on Star Trek)

5:45am - the alarm goes off
*Alert - Sleep interruption program engaged.  Begin annoying country music program.
Well I'm crying
I think the dog is dying
I'm out of luck
I wrecked my truck
More tears in my beers

SMACK
Confirmed - Delay program activated.  Estimated time for resumption of sleep interruption program....15 minutes

*Alert - Sleep interruption program engaged.  Begin annoying morning DJ program.
Well Cletus, how's that new haircut
Lemme tell you....$21 dollars worth
SWITCH
Confirmed - Sleep interrruption program disengaged.

Get out of bed - forget to put on my slippers

Setting course for nutrient center...engines ahead REALLY SLOW
*Alert - senors detecting unidentified objects directly ahead...visual system inoperative
*Alert - collision course...shields not operative
*Alert - objects appear to be small razor sharp toys.....brace for impact in 3....2.....1

OUCH...DAMMIT...WHAT THE...

*Alert - begin course correction using silly hops and jumps
*Alert - descriptive adult word program engaged.
*Alert - resuming course to nutrient center - auto brew sequence confirmed
             auto brew complete

Setting course for starbase recliner.
Standard parking orbit achieved.

*Alert - internal pressure build up in main engine
*Alert - internal pressure beyond safe limits
*Alert - external containment system failing....pressure release immenent
*Alert - pressure release in 3...2....1
aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh

*Alert - enemy vessel decloaking...

"DAD!  Geez, gross"

*Alert - charging main weapons system - set weapons for 'moveout'.
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