People ask me why I don't own a new car. Have you ever listened to a conversation on car lot between a shopper and a salesperson? You can say almost anything to a car salesman and he wouldn't care what it was if it means he can 'go and get the keys' for you. You could tell him anything:
So, what brings you folks to our lot today?
Well, little Buford has gas and we figured we'd go someplace wide open to help diffuse the smell.
That's great. So what kind of vehicle were you looking to ride little Buford around in?
Something that won't explode when full of methane would be nice.
Well I think the new Oldsmabuick Swoosher 2000 can keep little Buford safe.
Think? Why don't we let him finish off that beef jerky....lock him inside and see?
You bet! Just let me go and get the key.
Of course, this does not happen. Everyone knows no self respecting car sales person would get a key to a vehicle without first knowing your name, address, phone number, reason for living, mother's maiden name, and the capital of Assyria. They teach them that in 'Sales Training School'.
Cars seem to come in two varieties.
Those that are approximately 2 city blocks long and have enough room inside to fit an entire NFL football team (offense and defense - including the athletic trainers), come equipped with runway lights and a helipad, and get an astounding 7 miles per gallon...provided you coast downhill to many of your destinations. These have colorful names like the Chevrolet Kingdom, the Toyota Destroyer, and the Honda Fiefdom. Then there are the smaller or 'mid sized' cars. These seat at least 4 comfortably (provided you all hold your breath) offer the 'open floor option' which means you can drop your feet under the car and push without leaving your seat (think Flintstones) and can be folded neatly and placed in your wallet. These have names like the Kia Gnome, the Ford Speck, and the Buick Tourniquet.
I am one of those people who don't need or want a car that talks to me, starts for me (without me actually being in the car), navigates for me, or makes my 'driving experience more meaningful' by setting all my favorite seat positions, mirror positions, A/C controls and radio stations after identifying me by scanning my corneas via an electric eye in the rear view mirror. It is not important if it has a genuine leather interior, dual video players and a 38 CD changer with 64 channel equalizer. Why don't I care about these things? Because that car will cost (and I being serious here) more than my first house. I just want a well built car that seats 5, is moderately priced, gets fairly good gas mileage, and is not prone to mechanical problems. Of course, this car does not exist. Which is why I don't own a new car.
My 2000 Chevrolet Venture Van is looking just fine right now.
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