Is this the real life?*

So, I've been thinking....which is something I do when I am relatively sober.....about how different families handle the day to day activities of their lives.  Seriously, I look at my life and while it is amazing...I wonder how it differs from the lives of others.  So, in an attempt to find out the truth (and get more wine) I ventured out one evening in search of answers (and some fine Merlot).  Didn't find out much (other than the local supermarket here has a great selection of red wine)....so I moved my research to another level.  Yup, I watched television.  Now, you would think I wouldn't get much data....you would think that, and you'd be wrong.  I got LOTS of data.....mostly stupid data....but still there was a lot of it.  After watching several television programs (why do we call them programs?  who started that? aren't they still "shows"), anyway after watching some SHOWS I can safely and accurately state that my life is nothing near what life is like out in the world.  Or at least the world of television.  Let me give you an example.  Here is a breakdown of a normal morning for Rupert, Glendella, and Juniper WhiteBread (age 11).

6:00am	Rupert's alarm goes off
6:03am	Rupert puts on his Gucci slippers and
	walks to the kitchen
6:05am	Coffee is ready (the $400 coffee maker
	starts on it's own.)
6:15am	Juniper awakens to the sound of
	Vivaldi's Four Seasons
6:20am	Juniper walks to the living room where Rupert
	is sitting watching the morning news
	"Morning Father" she says as she moves
	into the kitchen and makes herself an
	omelet for breakfast.
6:22am	Glendella awakens and joins Juniper in the
	kitchen
6:35am	Glendella and Juniper finish breakfast.
6:40am	Juniper goes to change into her school
	clothes (which were layed out the night before)
6:55am	Juniper brushes her teeth and combs her hair
7:00am	Rupert is ready to leave
	Glendella and Juniper go over last nights
	completed homework and make sure all
	necessary school work is signed and in
	the backpack.
	Rupert makes Juniper a healthy lunch
	with fresh veggies and 100% juice
7:15am	Rupert takes Juniper to the bus stop
7:20 to 7:30am	Rupert and Juniper enjoy some "one on
	one" time before the bus arrives
7:30am	Bus arrives and Juniper happily skips off
	to school

Sounds pretty normal right?  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  Here is what MY morning looks like:

6:00am	My alarm goes off - I hit snooze
6:20am	I jolt out of bed realizing I've overslept and run
	through the house screaming to get everyone
	up and out of bed.
6:23am	Realizing I don't have time to make fresh coffee,
	I just pour a cup from yesterday and nuke it.
6:26am	My wife enters the kitchen and demands fresh
	coffee….I give her a gift card to Starbucks.
	and tell her she should get her butt out of bed
	earlier…….
	We will fight about that later…..
6:40am	Finally, my 11 year old stumbles out of her room
6:55am	We give my daughter a granola bar to eat
	while she is getting dressed
	Since we have no idea if the clothes on her bed
	are clean, we iron them just to be sure.
	After the granola bar, we have her brush her
	hair and teeth at the same time…..two hands
	two tasks…it's efficient.
	Dad pulls out a Lunchable and a bottle of water
	for her lunch….puts them in a plastic grocery
	bag.
7:15am	Begin the search for last nights homework
	and the backpack
7:20 to 7:30am	Finding a pile of paper on the floor, Dad assumes
	it's the homework and shoves them in the
	backpack
7:30am	Drive like a maniac to the bus stop.
	Miss the bus
7:30 to 7:40am	Follow the bus to the next stop while my 11 year
	old rustles through her backpack and announces
	I've put our taxes in there instead of her
	homework.
7:40am	After arguing that it "wasn't my fault" her
	homework was at home and she should be more
	responsible, my 11 year old stomps to the bus.

See, that is real life. 

The best conversations I have had with other parents are the ones that revolve around mornings.  I like these conversations because they give me ideas to help make my mornings smoother.  Things like:

1.  Put the dog on my daughters head to wake her up.
2.  Have my daughter put her socks and shoes on in the car on the way to the bus stop.  This is especially effective in the rain.
3.  Change the alarm radio station in my daughters room to "Smooth Disco Sounds of the 70's".
4.  If my daughter doesn't get out of bed using #3, go in her room and actually SING some 'Smooth Disco Sounds of the 70's"

It's not just me.....I know that.  Every parent I know has mornings like mine, I mean...well, OK...most do.
I'm sure there are a subset of parents like Rupert and Glendella.....but I believe they spend the better part of their day deep in a bottle of bourbon or some other adult beverage.  I have to believe that....or I'll just get depressed that my taxes got an 'F' in my daughters 5th grade math class.

*with props, respect, and just plain awe for Freddie Mercury and Queen