Signs you should not drive

I read an article recently discussing reasons why a Dad should no longer be allowed to drive.  I have two issues with the context of the article. 
First, why just Dad?  I mean, speaking only for myself and those husbands afraid to do so, I FEAR riding in a car my wife is driving.  How we don't crash and burn in an enormous ball of flames amazes me.  She's driving down the highway at a brisk 70 mph, changing the radio station, singing, talking with my daughter in the back seat, reading a map, adjusting the mirror, adjusting the air conditioner, and checking her make up....ALL AT THE SAME TIME. 
Second,  if we don't drive....are you prepared to chauffeur us around?  Didn't think so.

Anyway....I don't remember what the article said regarding the individual signs (probably because I really didn't read the thing), but I came up with my own list of reasons why Dad (or anyone else for that matter) should not drive.

1.  You can't remember where you parked.
I'm not talking about a mall parking lot.  I'm talking about overnight.  We have all stumbled to the door to let the dog out (because no self respecting dog will allow the 3am pee time to pass without waking up everyone in the house) and noticed the car is not under the carport.  At that point, we wander into the back yard (wearing only a T-Shirt that says "I'm Hot - You're Not  Boo Yah!" and red boxers) to find the car.  After a few tense moments we realize it's in the driveway....exactly 30 feet away, but we missed it.

2.  You avoid animals while swerving to hit pedestrians
I'm not saying this is intentional, but if you would would trade the lives of two squirrels humping in the middle of the road over a teenager holding his pants up with one hand and texting with the other, well....you might have some issues.  This is even more concerning if you considered swerving to hit the teenager when there WEREN'T any animals in the road.

3.  You rarely wear pants.
Not that I think this is a bad thing....however I can state the management of the "Gas and Belch" convenience store frowns on this type of behavior.

4.  You have conversations with imaginary passengers.
We have all seen people do this.....and some of us might be guilty of doing this as well.  It gets funny when the person doing it is VERY involved in a conversation with what apparently is a being from another dimension.......then looks over and sees you looking at them.  Then it gets dangerous....because most of those folks are pretty psychotic to start with.

5.  You drive angry....
This one is not fair....because I live angry.  Why you ask?  Have you met my family?  Do your knees 'crack' everytime you get up out of the chair?  Is your hair gray and growing from your ears?  Do you thing Hugh Downs is sexy?  I could go on for hours here......

6.  You get lost easily....even at home.
How many times have you heard someone yell, "Where's your father?"  That's because no one (including him) knows where he is....

So....should Dad not be able to drive when he becomes elderly?  The jury is still out on that decision.  Mostly because the jury foreman has been stuck behind me for the last hour and I'm driving 20 miles an hour with my left turn signal on.