I have heard it said that 50 is the 'new' 20, or 40 or something other than 50. If that is true, then why is it everyone who ISN'T 50 calls me 'sir' and asks me, " You OK to stand, do you need to sit down"?

I find that as I am now 50 years of age many people (when I say people I am referring primarily to my kids, their friends, and the general public - most of whom I have not met) tend to become......well, stupid. I don't remember doing some of the things (when I was younger) that I see and deal with on a daily basis .

Want an example? I don't remember approaching my dad (with what appeared to be a spark plug wire in my hand) and say "the car won't start. I opened the hood and found this just hanging there so I took it out and now it won't start." I'm not saying I didn't do that, I just don't remember it....but it has happened in my household....twice.

I also find things that I grew up with have 'gone away'. Not that I think life should not change....it should, variety is the spice of life....but sometimes I have to wonder who is coming up with this stuff.

So, I'm writing about these wonderful experiences. Many of them may be familiar to you...maybe you have one to share of your own. Life, however difficult, can be a wonderful laughter filled journey....and laughter is truly the best medicine of all.

So that I don't get angry emails.....I am very happy with my life. I love my wife, appreciate my family and friends...and I love my children very much. But as Bill Cosby once said, "I just hope they leave the house before I die."







Wednesday, May 11, 2011

That's what you told me to do

Dad's just think different.  Seriously, it's not that we are dumb....we just process things in a different manner. 

My wife will say, "My tire is low."
Which one?
"The one on the left in the front"
I will go outside, take my air pump and air up...THE LEFT FRONT TIRE.
Later in the day she will ask, "Did you air up my tire?"
Yes, right after you said something.  Why?
"I still have a tire pressure warning going off."
Are the other ones low?
"You didn't check them?" (making the "face"...and every married man knows what I mean)
You didn't say they were all low...you said the left front was low.

My wife will announce, "Michelle need to bring 12 plastic eggs to school".
It's 9:45 at night, you just remembered this?
"Don't we have some here?"
I'm sure we do....somewhere in the attic.
"Just go to Walgreens and get them"
Right......so, I schlep to Walgreens and get a package of 12 plastic eggs. 
The next night, my wife asks "what kind of candy did you put in the eggs?  Her teacher prefers we not put anything chocolate because it might melt."
Candy?
"You didn't put candy in them?" (again, the face)
You didn't say anything about candy....you said 12 eggs.

My wife will announce she is going exercise.  "Make sure Michelle finishes her homework."
Yea, I got it.
Homework for a 9 year old consists of math problems like this:
Greta has 2 pizzas cut into 8 slices each.  One pizza is cheese, one is hamburger.  Schmendrick has 4 apples cut into 4 pieces each.  Eustis has a baseball bat and a napkin.  If on Tuesday Greta and Schmendrick forget the combination to their locker how much pizza could 10 of their friends eat after Eustis makes applesauce with his baseball bat? **
Homework is finished....Michelle goes to sleep.  My wife returns.
"Homework is done?"
Yes
"Did you check it?"
Check it?

See...men are hunters, gatherers, protectors and analyzers.  We continuously work through multiple problems in our head.  Critical things like:  -Did I change the oil in the lawnmower?  -Did I repair the damaged part of the roof? - Who is this child in my living room, and where is the child I normally see sitting there?  We must work off of specific questions and instructions in order to insure the safety and serenity of our home...AND to insure we can be finished with all that nonsense in time for kickoff.

Not wrong.....just different.

**(The answer is Butte, Montana)
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