Hitting on me

I have never claimed to be what you would call 'good looking'.  You know....the Burt Reynolds type.  I'm not even sure if I equate to Bert from Sesame Street.  However....I have found as I get older that women (yes, I meant that to be plural) sometimes take an interest in me.  However my problem is two-fold:

1. - I usually don't get it.
2. - When I do get it....no one believes me.

For example, I told my daughter of this event:

I just got hit on.
Really?  Did it leave a bruise?
What?  Not that kind of hit....the other kind.
Yea....OK Dad
I'm not kidding....it really happened
OK Dad....details.....
I was at the Eye Doctor
(interrupting me) No no....that's the problem...she couldn't see you
Shut up...she could and she did
Yea....OK...continue
Anyway, I went in to have my glasses fixed and when she was finished I asked her how much and she said, "we don't charge for adjusting if you bought them here".  I said thank you and she said, "no problem, I'd be happy to adjust you anytime"  and she winked at me!
(making a sarcastic face) seriously?  she was trying to sell you something
NO....it was free
Did she have something in her eye?
NO dammit......
OK...so, what did this (making the finger movements) "person" look like?
What's with the hands.....you think I made this up?
I'm just saying Mr "UPS only right turns guy" (more on this later)
I'm telling you.....
(interrupting me) OK OK....so she hit on you....what did she look like
She was HOT
OK Dad.....she was...what 55 or so, nearsighted, half blind and desperate...I got it
You know, there are plenty of folks who find me attractive.....
Really?  Name 3.....and they have to be alive, single, and not a member of a religious order

Several days earlier I had this conversation while sitting with my son:

Dude, check it out....she's scoping me out
What?!  'scoping you out'....who?
The woman over there in the short black dress....she's checking me out
What woman?  Dad....what are looking at?  She is not looking at you...no one wants to look at you
The woman over there....in the black dress with the heels....she wants me
What?!  Dad she is not looking at you...why would she do that?  Why would anyone?
She wants me....
Dad...you are seriously deranged
I'm telling you....look at her looking at me....she wants me.
She is NOT looking at you....and NOBODY wants you....you're old
Really?  Then why is she always looking at me?  Huh? Answer that one smarty..
Because maybe we're in CHURCH and she doesn't have a choice but look in this direction!
Oh sure, make up an excuse
Seriously....get some help

Then there was this conversation with my wife

Hey, you know the lady who lives in the red house three doors down?
Yea.......
She came out to get her mail just as I was getting ours...and she was in a bikini...
(making a face that says "you have lost your mind") A bikini?
Yup....and she made sure I saw her...she said 'hello' and waved......she wants me.
Really?  She can have you.  Leave your key on the table.


It is this unwavering support from my family that keeps my spirits upbeat.