Dog Poop

On Saturday morning, prior to cutting the grass in the back yard, I go out and clean up after what could only have been a herd of elephants that camped out in my yard during the week.  I have two dogs, neither are what I would call 'large'....however the sheer volume of poop they create simply amazes me.

I have a friend named Joe (not his real name - his real name is Carl) who told me that he makes his 8 year old son gather the dog poop left in his yard and pile it up in one place. He does this daily, and after a time, he believes his dog will stop pooping at random spots.  His reasoning was "The dog will go where the poop is".  Sounded logical, I mean Joe is a pretty smart guy.....and he had the foresight to make sure his son used a shovel to pick up the stuff....so I thought why not?

So on Monday afternoon I started gathering.  I found a spot in the far corner of the yard and began to create a very, very large pile of poop.  I did this ever day for a week...marveling at the sheer amount I had to move.  I don't really know what's in dog food....but I can tell you it has a fair amount of roughage in it.  Each day I search, gather and pile quantities of dog poop while the dogs look at me and think "hey, I wanted it there.  now I'm going to have to create more". 

Every afternoon I'm out in the backyard....didn't matter what the weather (once it was raining and, unable to reach Joe for a ruling, I decided I still needed to continue the process in order to continue the training)  By Friday, I'm actually talking to the dogs.  "You see this pile here?  THAT'S where you go!  You don't just go in whatever direction your butt is pointing.  You understand?"  Of course, the dogs just wander off wondering why a deranged human is walking around the yard with a shovel full of poop.

Saturday comes along and, having a small child, we attend the latest stage show catered to small children.  You know the type....wonderful events like "Bobby the Badger Sings about Condiments".  90 minutes of wonderful tunes such as:

Ketchup can help you Catch Up
Oregano is fun to grow
Salt for my friend Walt

All sung by costumed characters....each costume looking like it was shipped to the USA from Chernobyl....just after the meltdown.  Then a trip to the 'souvenier stand' for a $20 pennant featuring random farm animals holding various condiments which, after being in my house for 36 hours, will end up on the floor and the dogs will use it to sleep on.

Anyway, I get home and think "hey, let me check the yard".  Surely by now the dogs would have discovered what I now call Mount Poop...and say to each other excitedly...."why poop right here on the water hose when we can go to Mount Poop!" 

What do I find when look around my yard?....yup, you guessed it.....not only does the yard look like the same herd of elephants camped out, now I also have an enormous pile of dog poop in one corner of the yard.  In a final act of defiance, one of my dogs walks out in front of me and pauses for a moment.  He turns and looks at me....and POOPS!  He walks by as if to say "put THAT on your Mount Poop"

Come to think of it, I never actually ASKED if Joe's method worked.  Perhaps I should have done that first.