I have heard it said that 50 is the 'new' 20, or 40 or something other than 50. If that is true, then why is it everyone who ISN'T 50 calls me 'sir' and asks me, " You OK to stand, do you need to sit down"?

I find that as I am now 50 years of age many people (when I say people I am referring primarily to my kids, their friends, and the general public - most of whom I have not met) tend to become......well, stupid. I don't remember doing some of the things (when I was younger) that I see and deal with on a daily basis .

Want an example? I don't remember approaching my dad (with what appeared to be a spark plug wire in my hand) and say "the car won't start. I opened the hood and found this just hanging there so I took it out and now it won't start." I'm not saying I didn't do that, I just don't remember it....but it has happened in my household....twice.

I also find things that I grew up with have 'gone away'. Not that I think life should not change....it should, variety is the spice of life....but sometimes I have to wonder who is coming up with this stuff.

So, I'm writing about these wonderful experiences. Many of them may be familiar to you...maybe you have one to share of your own. Life, however difficult, can be a wonderful laughter filled journey....and laughter is truly the best medicine of all.

So that I don't get angry emails.....I am very happy with my life. I love my wife, appreciate my family and friends...and I love my children very much. But as Bill Cosby once said, "I just hope they leave the house before I die."







Friday, November 4, 2011

OK, so....about your divorce

I'm not saying my family is somewhat "strange", but we have some rather peculiar habits.  I'm sure every family has one or two idiosyncrasies that might seem odd to others; you know, things like:

1.  Letting the dog sit (on a chair) at the dinner table.
2.  Watching television shows only in Spanish, when no one in the family speaks (or understands) Spanish.
3.  Wearing sunglasses in the shower.

For my family, it's about my wife and I getting divorced.

Now, first I must state I am NOT considering divorcing my wife....at least not at the current moment.  But conversations at my house always end up on that topic.  Especially when my oldest daughter is home.  She (my daughter) will begin the conversation with a simple question such as "What do you guys want for supper?"  It's all downhill from there.

(my wife) I'm not hungry...so I don't care.
(me) What about Michelle?  She needs to eat.
She can have chips and cheese.
What a parent you are....such a nutritional meal!
Hey look here....it's refrigerator and a stove...maybe we can find some uncooked pre-packaged food products and use these to prepare them!
Maybe....if you were thoughtful enough to go shopping for uncooked pre-packaged food.

At this point we are both laughing and trying hard not to spill our wine.  Then my daughter chimes in.

(my daughter) You are both liable for her well being.
What?
I'm just saying....even if you are divorced.  Which, if you were, would mean that whoever  has custody would be responsible to the other for the well being of the child.
Wait...what?
I mean, you'd have to pay your 'fair share' of her expenses...but mom would be liable to you for her well being if you were divorced and she lived with mom.
(my wife, looking at me) We're getting divorced?
Apparently - I want the TV you can have the dog
Which TV?....and I don't want both dogs.
We're talking about your daughter here....not the dog.  Good grief, you are both sad parents.
Sure....look at how you turned out.

Brief pause in the conversation to refill the wine glasses.......

(my wife)What if he's dead?
(me) Wait.....what?
Well, if he dies without a will, then everything passes to the kids.  If he has a will, then that would determine how his estate is divided...provided the will is valid.
He has no estate...
Well, if he did...then that's how it would be divided.
What about life insurance money and stuff like that?
You guys know I'm standing right here......right?
Shush....I'm trying to determine if it's better to kill you or divorce you......
Technically speaking, it's cheaper to kill him....although it would be easier to divorce him.
I'm standing right here......

Another pause....and my wife says out loud to no one in particular
"Something to think about.  OKAY...so, what's for supper?"


It's this warm and fuzzy family feeling I have that keeps my spirits up.
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